Co-Sleeping - Is It for You?

Did a little boy a great favor today at the park.  I was there with my two little charges - one who will soon by 5 and one who is 3 1/2.  This little boy's dad was happy that we showed up because his son, Carter, is an only child and they like for him to have interaction with other children.  He is four, so right in between my two.   Dad started a conversation with me, and we chatted about kids of that age and found that they were all in pre-school part time.  Got around to the fact that Carter won't sleep in his own bed at night.  I told his Dad that it was only natural for babies to want the protection of their parents at night. Other species don't leave their children unguarded and vulnerable.  If an infant of another species gets lost and finds itself alone, it howls and howls until Mama comes to fetch it home.  Humans are the only stupid ones.  The conflict comes when Dad wants Mom all to himself.  In other countries the family sleeps  together and I guess the kids just know about sex.

Here is a quote from Wikipedia on the subject:

One study reported mothers getting more sleep by co-sleeping and breastfeeding than by other arrangements.

It has been argued that co-sleeping evolved over five million years, that it alters the infant's sleep experience and the number of maternal inspections of the infant, and that it provides a beginning point for considering possibly unconventional ways of helping reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

Stress hormones are lower in mothers and babies who co-sleep, specifically the balance of the stress hormone cortisol, the control of which is essential for a baby's healthy growth.

In studies with animals, infants who stayed close to their mothers had higher levels of growth hormones and enzymes necessary for brain and heart growth.

The physiology of co-sleeping babies is more stable, including more stable temperatures, more regular heart rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing than babies who sleep alone.

Co-sleeping may promote long-term emotional health. In long-term follow-up studies of infants who slept with their parents and those who slept alone, the children who co-slept were happier, less anxious, had higher self-esteem, were less likely to be afraid of sleep, had fewer behavioral problems, tended to be more comfortable with intimacy, and were generally more independent as adults.

However, a recent study (see below under precautions) found different results if co-sleeping was initiated only after nighttime awakenings. Co-sleeping from birth or soon afterwards is the norm except in some Western cultures.

I hope that my assurances that he was not "spoiling" his son, nor was he keeping him a baby, helped that Dad have more confidence in his and the mother's decisions to let Carter sleep with them if he needs to.  He will outgrow that need just as the young of every other species do.

Things I Learned the Hard Way

Things I Learned the Hard Way

Do not ever criticize your teenager in front of anyone.  Do it in private if it is something important.

Do not speak to your teenager in a tone that you don't want to hear coming back at you.  

Earn your child's respect, don't demand it.

If you are a father, make sure you teach your child life skills like how to change a tire, make simple repairs around the house, how to do laundry (lights and darks), what to do when the lights go out, how to treat the opposite sex, and, if you live in Arizona, how to take care of a pool.

If you are a mother, teach your child how to prepare one meal including appetizer and dessert, how to clean a bathroom, how to wrap a present, and how to manage money.

Of course this sounds sexist.  I am sorry, but I am old now and just trying to get the point across.

Have minimum standards but enforce them absolutely.  No, you may not go out in that shirt with "I Love Boobies" on it.  I don't care if it is from the Galapagos.

What you say to a teenager doesn't matter nearly as much as what you do.

Don't be a hypocrite.  Don't tell your teenager not to smoke while you burn through a pack a day.  Don't expect your teen to stay away from drugs if you have a beer the minute you get home from work.  

I am sure I will come up with lots more - stay tuned.

What does God's voice sound like?

Kudos to Aaron Sorkin for writing an amazing rant for the character of Maggie on the HBO series Newsroom.  If you haven't caught any of the episodes, watch for HBO to run it again and be sure you don't miss a single line of this well-written script.

In this episode, the staff is rehearsing possible questions for potential Republican candidates if their network is awarded the presidential debate.  Maggie's suggestion for a question for Michelle Bachman is "What does God's voice sound like?" She convinces the staff that she is serious by pointing out that if Bachman is being truthful when she says that God told her to run for President, then she is a prophet and we should pay attention to everything she says.
 

And, of course, if she cannot answer the question, then she is not telling the truth and no one should vote for someone who lies to the American people. In response to criticism that the news anchor could not denigrate Christians in such a way, Maggie responds that she is standing up for herself, her family, her church and her congregation by revealing this "false prophet."


You may say that Aaron Sorkin is simply one of the liberals that run the media and television and so, of course he is going to get his punches in against the conservative Bachman supporters.  But the important question here is "What DOES God's voice sound like?" Would you want your news anchor to ask such questions of candidates and hold their feet to the fire of public scrutiny?


Does anyone out there remember Ross Perot?  In 1992, 20 years ago, he gained a following by talking to voters as if he believed they could actually understand the issues.  I remember because it made such an impression on me.  He went on national television and for one half hour did a presentation that now would be done with Power Point, but he used charts and an old-fashioned pointer to explain in clear language what his economic policy was. He advocated a novel idea: that we do away with Medicare and Social Security for "those who don't need it." those like Warren Buffet, no doubt.  Twenty years and we are still having the same conversation!

Pissed Off by Political Ad

I just saw an Obama ad on TV that really pissed me off.  And it started out with the old "I am Barack Obama and I approved this ad" so you can't say he didn't know about it.  This ad was focused on Mitt Romney's tax rate.  It should be illegal to make statements like that without explaining that Romney, along with Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, and tons of other wealthy people pay low tax rates because most of their income is from long-term capital gains which is taxed at a lower rate FOR EVERYONE!

All you have to do is google: Why does Mitt Romney pay a lower tax rate than most?  Here's what comes up.

"Romney released his 2010 tax return in January after intense pressure, showing that he paid a 13.9 percent effective rate on $42.5 million in income. His tax rate, lower than that paid by most middle-class filers, was because most of his income came from investments."

Here is a quote from the Tucson Sentinel:

"Robert Farley

Factcheck.org

A new ad from the Obama campaign claims that Mitt Romney "paid only 14 percent in taxes—probably less than you." That depends. Romney paid a federal income tax rate that is higher than the income tax rate paid by 97 percent of tax filers. But if you include a combination of income taxes and payroll taxes — which make up the bulk of federal taxes for most taxpayers — the ad is accurate.

The ad, called "Stretch," is the first to feature a report from the Tax Policy Center that concluded a plan like Romney's proposal for across-the-board tax cuts, together with the goal of remaining revenue neutral, would ultimately raise taxes on people making less than $200,000 a year. The ad contrasts those findings with data from Romney's 2010 tax return.

The ad begins with a narrator stating, "You work hard, stretch every penny, but chances are you pay a higher tax rate than him: Mitt Romney made $20 million dollars in 2010, but paid only 14 percent in taxes—probably less than you."

I hope that what people come away with after watching this ad is that they need to learn more about investing their money so that one day their entire income can consist of capital gains and they, too, can pay a lower tax rate.  

Problem

I am using my new iPad on this trip and I can write posts just fine, but I cannot upload an image. The place that says "choose image" is grayed out. Does anyone have a clue what I am doing wrong?

Beijing

Last stop, Beijing, known in my childhood as Peking.  The name for the city has changed, but not the name for the famous dish, Peking Duck.  I loved Beijing.  It is like other international cities - lots of fabulous shopping, great museums, crazy traffic, a sense that life is moving forward.  Friendly Planet had a lot planned for us to see, and since Sam, our guide, lives in Beijing, he was also our local guide.

One of our first stops was the Forbidden City, with its 9,999 rooms.  When we returned home, I watched "The Last Emperor," the story of Pu Li, the last emperor to live in the Forbidden City.  The story made the Forbidden City come alive for me, since when we saw it, the only people inhabiting the city were tourists - mostly Chinese.  If I were to go back, I would like to have time to sign up for a tour with a guide that would show me more than we were able to explore in our short visit.  I am looking for a video tour of the Forbidden City, so if anyone comes across one, let me know.

Also that day we saw Tian'an Men Square, the site of Chairman Mao's Mausoleum.  His embalmed body is on display mornings and afternoons, but we did not have time to go through the line waiting to pay their respects.  What I did not expect was the size of the square.  We were supposed to walk from one end of the square to the focal point, the Gate of Heavenly Peace where the portrait of Mao hangs and have our group portrait taken.  Some of the wussy members of our group refused to walk that distance because of the cold and the wind whipping across the expanse of the square.  Sam quickly adjusted to the desires of the group and arranged for our picture to be made in front of the Hall of the People, only halfway across the square.  This was the only time that there was any indication that we were in a communist country.  Sam had instructed us not to have conversations about the 1989 Massacre.  He said there were undercover police in the square and we could find ourselves in trouble if they overheard us talking about something that, officially, never happened.  The government's position is that the tragedy of the student demonstrations was simply a media event.  That the press "made it all up."

In his book, Oracle Bones, Peter Hessler describes his visit to Tian'An Men Square.

          "After a while, I began to notice that some people in the crowd didn't look like tourists.  They were men, usually in their thirties and forties, and many of them had crew cuts.  They were not well dressed: worn trousers, cheap windbreakers.  They did not look educated.  They did not look like they were enjoying themselves - they weren't smiling, or taking pictures, or buying souvenirs.  They loitered and lingered; they lurked and looked.  They dawdled.  Sometimes, a man would stand directly behind a group of talking tourists, as if trying to overhear their conversation.  Periodically, one of the crew-cut men sauntered over to another crew-cut man, said something, and then sauntered away.  Several held rolled up newspapers.  I saw one man raise his newspaper, hold it next to his face, and speak to it.  Curious, I walked past and took a furtive look.  Inside the rolled paper, I caught a glimpse of black plastic - walkie-talkie." (p. 59)

The following day we went to Badaling, 44 miles northwest of Beijing, to view the Great Wall.  Compare the photo from my climb on the wall to other pictures you've seen in magazines and brochures.  They generally show two or four people walking some distance in front of the camera.  That is not what I saw.

While in Beijing we saw a Jade Factory and a Pearl Factory, both of which were interesting because, I very rarely, if ever, have seen any product being made in the U.S.  What about you?  Have you visited factories in your hometown or on any of your travels to see how different products are made?  That is something we need to institute in our country and let people be proud of things that are "made in America."

Other sites included in our tour of Beijing were the Ming Tombs and the Temple of Heaven.  There is so much history in China, a four-year degree would barely enable you to learn about all that we saw.  A favorite excursion was the Hutong tour via rickshaws.  Though Beijing is a modern city, a visit to the alleyways shows the charm of old Beijing.   The hutongs, created by the walls of courtyard houses, were the residences of officials and the well-to-do, although now most are state-owned. Our rickshaws wove in and out of narrow streets, revealing shops of every description, restaurants, bars, and houses.  Suddenly we came upon an open space beside a lake where people were walking their children and their dogs, cruising in paddle boats, and enjoying an ice cream on this leisurely afternoon.  I could have stayed the whole day there just soaking up the feeling of actually being in the middle of a place I've dreamed about since I was a child and watched my mother read Pearl S. Buck's books about China.  She looked so enraptured, I wanted to feel that way.

The grounds around the Temple of Heaven are a gathering place for people to exercise, to play mahjong or other games, and to just hang out with their friends.  I shot a video of people line dancing and one of several men passing a ball around with a racquet, never letting the ball leave their racquet until they gracefully tossed it to their partner.  There were, again, so many people gathered in one place we felt a bit uneasy.  Americans are simply not accustomed to so many bodies sharing the same space.  But it made me so happy to see all these people smiling, having a good time, spending time with friends outside in the sunshine.  I wish we did more of that sort of thing in our country.  Many of our gatherings, like mornings in the park, are focused on the children, not on the adults.

Friendly Planet saved the best for last; we visited a village just outside Beijing and had dinner with a host family.  We learned much about the history of the village from our delightful tour guide, who lives there, and had a tai chi lesson from a master.  He was so beautiful to watch.  It must take years and years to master those movements.  This village is known for its hand-carved furniture and we were treated to a tour of a working shop.  Then we went to the home of our hosts for the best meal we had on the entire trip.  The wife taught us how to make dumplings, but, of course, she made 99% of them since we were so slow!  There were many other dishes and the husband did most of the cooking. They were so friendly and gracious - they truly made us feel like honored guests.

I hope I have another opportunity to visit China.  We saw only a small percentage of the country - there is a lot more to see and learn.

There are photographs from our trip on my flickr site: santanartist

Questions are welcomed.


 
 

Starting Over

The last time I posted on this blog was in 2010, but I am starting over and hope that this time I will be able to keep it going.

I am busy with my etsy shop, making silk scarves and learning about dye. Still taking care of Charlie and Katie 4 days a week, and still doing photography.

Celebrated my 70th birthday with all the family and received a new bike which I love!

Here's a photo of the cake Nancy made for my birthday.  It's amazing.  A suitcase with labels for all the places we have been, plus my passport!  Isn't that just too much?  Nancy and I are going to China  on March 26th for 10 days. Will definitely blog about that!

Nemaste,
Dottie