Don't Yell At Me, Mom!

    Why do we need to see the results of another "study" to tell us what we intuitively know?  Do you respond well to your boss who yells at you?  Or do you respect the one who praises you when you do a good job?

   Well, guess what?  Your teenager is just like you.  Shouting and yelling are not effective for them, either.

    A study by Ming-Te Wang of the University of Pittsburgh showed that " 13 year olds who received a lot of harsh verbal discipline from their parents were more likely to have symptoms of depression at age 14."  Not surprisingly they also exhibited anger, aggression and general bad behavior.

    Remember "do unto others?"  If you want respect, give respect. If you are losing it and cursing or name-calling, don't be shocked if you hear the same kind of talk coming out of your teen's mouth. And, of course, that just escalates the situation.

   "When it comes to rearing teens, "the big three are good communications, love, and limits," according to adolescent psychologist Neil Bernstein, author of "How To Keep Your Teenager Out of Trouble and What To Do If You Can't."

   So just remember "Calm The F*** Down."

Things I Learned the Hard Way

Things I Learned the Hard Way

Do not ever criticize your teenager in front of anyone.  Do it in private if it is something important.

Do not speak to your teenager in a tone that you don't want to hear coming back at you.  

Earn your child's respect, don't demand it.

If you are a father, make sure you teach your child life skills like how to change a tire, make simple repairs around the house, how to do laundry (lights and darks), what to do when the lights go out, how to treat the opposite sex, and, if you live in Arizona, how to take care of a pool.

If you are a mother, teach your child how to prepare one meal including appetizer and dessert, how to clean a bathroom, how to wrap a present, and how to manage money.

Of course this sounds sexist.  I am sorry, but I am old now and just trying to get the point across.

Have minimum standards but enforce them absolutely.  No, you may not go out in that shirt with "I Love Boobies" on it.  I don't care if it is from the Galapagos.

What you say to a teenager doesn't matter nearly as much as what you do.

Don't be a hypocrite.  Don't tell your teenager not to smoke while you burn through a pack a day.  Don't expect your teen to stay away from drugs if you have a beer the minute you get home from work.  

I am sure I will come up with lots more - stay tuned.