Sunday, June 23, 2013
Can I Be Myself?
I have just finished reading Andrew McCarthy's book, The Longest Way Home, and it has made me want to examine my life - my feelings, my thoughts, my belief system - rather than continue to make decisions based on someone else's beliefs. Too often I make a choice based on the cost of something. Living with DH for so long has installed in my brain a calculator that instantly knows when something is too costly, not in my opinion, but in his. He doesnt even have to be present.
Here are some simple examples: we were at Lowe's and I saw a new product: a sports towel that when wet stays cool and keeps you cool. Since I have always had a problem with sweating rivers when it's hot, my friend said "buy it," but it was $14.99 and I knew that DH would say, why do you need that? He would say that any hand towel would do just as well. So I didn't buy it. Now, after reading Andrew's book, I am ready to be myself and decide things based on what I think, what I feel, rather than just avoiding DH's judgment and criticism.
Another example is "The Chair." For twenty years I have wanted a really super comfortable overstuffed armchair. I just have visions of sitting in such a chair, maybe with a slipcover, reading Anne of Green Gables to my granddaughters. And not long ago I saw "the chair" on an episode of "Big Bang Theory." It was perfect. So I started shopping online. Without a time-consuming search I found one at Macy's. It costs $700. DH wants to buy all our furniture at Goodwill. He would sit on a pillow on the floor rather than spend more than $50 for any piece of furniture. All these years I have lived with those constraints. But no more. I intend to buy my chair.